Episode 10. Kay Hillman Transcript

Kay Hillman (00:00):

This sounds so bougie sometimes, but it's like, I don't care. Like it just saves me so much time and energy and effort. But I outsource laundry. Like there's laundry service and they fold and wash my clothes and bring it back. When I first had the baby, we hired a meal prep and she brought us weekly meals so that we didn't have to worry about cooking. Like those little things you end up saving in the long run because it's like time is really of the essence and especially when you don't have everything together like this. Encourage the doesn't have everything together because I <laugh> did know what was going on when I had King. And

Tianna Tye (00:43):

I'm Tianna Tye, first time mama, entrepreneur and speaker. And if you're hearing this right now, I am so excited for you because you are officially a part of a community unlike anything that's ever existed before. Here we welcome the weird cravings, the constant napping and the high-achieving spirit that us business owners are known for. Here we are pulling back the curtain on what it's really like to grow a human while running a business at the same time. Now let me be clear, I am not the expert here. Crazy words coming from an Enneagram five. I'm just a first time mama who did something that I'm extremely proud of. I asked for help. I tapped my network of powerful business owners, authors, and generally just incredible humans who have been there before. Whether they unexpectedly had their first kid just a year into business or started their family after their company hit seven figures plus, or maybe they were just in full planning mode trying to conceive, they are dishing it all. So get ready for real conversation and a look at these personal journeys that are going to leave you expecting not only a baby, but a powerful evolution of self. This is The Expecting CEO.

Tianna Tye (02:00):

Alrighty.

Tianna Tye (02:01):

Hello. Hello. We are super, super excited because we are talking to Mrs. Kay Hillman and Kay is someone that I have known both on a personal and professional level for a good amount of time now. And so I'm really, really excited just to kind of dig into all things business and being an expecting CEO and already being a mama, all the things. So before we start to get into that, k, I would love if you could just introduce yourself to everyone, kind of give them the highlight reel, the spiel, the movie trailer about who you are and what you do. Yes. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited about this. This is just amazing what you're doing. So my name is Kay Hillman. I run three different companies, like a crazy person, <laugh>, I have a park business marketing agency. And then I also do business coaching for Christian women.

Kay Hillman (03:00):

And I recently had my son, well not recent, I don't know why I'm saying that cause it's so recent. The time just flies to me, but he's almost two, which is so amazing. And he's my first, so I got a boy hashtag boy mom, <laugh>. And it's just been really amazing. Like, it's definitely been a transition having a kid and building a business at the same time. But I feel like I'm in a really good space, which is sometimes crazy to say because motherhood sometimes, like people say all these scary things and you're just expecting the worst. And I'm just like, you know what? I think I got this. Like, he couldn't have a better mother than me. So, you know, whatever <laugh> come on with the confidence. Yes, he could not. So I'm super, super curious cuz I didn't actually, I knew he was at least one, but I didn't realize he was about to be two.

Tianna Tye (03:53):

So I'd love to hear from you where you were in business when you were expecting him. Oh my gosh, Okay. When I was expecting King, I, I thought my life was over. I, I mean, I didn't think that I could have a business, let's say that. I didn't see a lot of people online. That's why I love what you're doing. I didn't see a lot of people online who were moms running businesses. And if they did, you never saw their kids. So you really didn't know how they were doing things on the back end. Like, oh, like do you have a nanny or daycare or like, you know, like, what is it that you're doing so that you have the time to actually have a business. So actually the headspace that I was in, I was in like flight or fight, what is it?

Kay Hillman (04:38):

Fight or flight mode. And your girl was, was running like, I was like, nah. So I actually ended up closing two of my businesses because I just, in my brain I couldn't like reconcile how you can be a business owner and have a kid. It just, it just wasn't working for me. And my pregnancy was a little traumatic. It was well traumatic and dramatic at the same time, you know? And so with going through all that different stuff, I was just like, you know what? I don't think that I can really do this. And so I, I just stopped. And so the head space I was in for his pregnancy was just, it was really tough because I felt isolated and alone. I felt like, you know, like, are there other mo like you, you see a lot of people and they're successful and a lot of times when you really dig into their story, they are single, you know, or they, they don't have kids.

Kay Hillman (05:27):

So sometimes it's hard to really see that you can actually make it work. And in that time period, I just, I just didn't see it. Oh yes, this is something that we have talked about a bunch because, you know, I was extremely vocal and everybody at this point knows that I've been extremely vocal about the fact that y'all need to tell me your secrets immediately. I don't, I wanna hear everybody's perspective because I'm not gonna like, you know, I'm not gonna wanna do everything that one mom has to say to me. I'm gonna charcuterie board. I wanna pick and choose the little gyms that I hear from everybody very selfishly. But also you're welcome because you're sitting here <laugh> consuming this as well. But I'm curious then, since you didn't really have that community, like you didn't have those resources to really kind of sink your teeth into when you were expecting King, what did planning for him look like for you? Right? Cause it sounds very, it sounds like you was kind of gloom and doom in the mindset, which I totally understand cause I also have been working through that consistently every day. So I'm curious, what plans were you making? Like what was that looking like?

Kay Hillman (06:38):

To be honest, it was kind of a crap show. <Laugh> in the beginning. Lemme say that in the beginning it was kinda a crap show. You know, it, it was my first pregnancy. And when I look back on it, when I to reflect on it, one thing I know is I did the best I could do. And that's just for anybody. If this is your first pregnancy, you're doing the best you can do. I mean, even if it's your fifth pregnancy, doesn't matter what number you're on, you're doing the best you can do with the information and resources you have currently at your disposal. So that's what I'll say with that. But just in terms of the planning I actually was, I guess you could say kind of late to planning. I didn't really get to take like a maternity leave.

Kay Hillman (07:18):

I only had like two weeks of maternity leave, which was kinda crazy. But you know, at that point I didn't really know what to expect with motherhood. I didn't really know, you know, like what my time looked like. And then, you know, when you have like actual clients that you have to perform services for and stuff like that, you know, you, you don't really think about how much less time you'll have when, when the kids get here, <laugh>. And so it's like, whoa. I definitely underestimated like how much time or I, like, I just didn't realize time and capacity. And so if I could do it all over again which I am <laugh>, I would definitely plan ahead and also communicating with my clients. I think that's something else that I didn't do the best job at. I didn't communicate with my clients to let them know that like, you know, timelines will be a little bit extended, you know, or just like, don't expect a response from me within 15 minutes.

Kay Hillman (08:16):

Like, you know, before I respond right. Immediately, you know, But now I'm like, Yo, I need a, I need an hour or so like <laugh> or I'll, I'll respond to you by end of day or something. So just like really being firm and better about boundaries, that's something that I definitely learned especially once I hit maternity leave. But in terms of the planning beforehand, I, I do like when I look back at like, man, I wish I would've like kind of thought certain things through. But again, like we all do the best we can with the resources and everything that we haven't, you know, when I got pregnant it was the panorama, so there was all that craziness happening too. So it was like, what? Like this is terrible, you know? But we made it work and here we are and we're thriving and flourishing and I'm doing it all over again and it's like, wow, you know, you live and you learn.

Tianna Tye (09:06):

Well first of all, yes to everything you just said, but second of all, you'd done alluded to it. So let's get into it. You doing it all over again, te tell everybody what's going on, where you're at, Give us the, give us everything.

Kay Hillman (09:20):

<Laugh> surprise, surprise. I'm having another baby. <Laugh>. And I dunno if I told you, but so that's exciting. Yes. Times two. So that's wonderful. So yes, I am pregnant again and this time when we found out I was pregnant and I've been fortunate enough you know, I know some women that don't find out they're pregnant until further along. I find out I'm pregnant, like the day after, I don't know, like it's like a sixth sense, like <laugh>, I just know I'm pregnant. And so I knew early and so this time around just when you were talking about the planning, it's like I have been super proactive this time because obviously like I know that it's about to be times too when I have a busy toddler and you know, I under, you know, I I I've experienced the birth process before and so there's just different things that I'm like, okay, let me prepare myself for time.

Kay Hillman (10:15):

Because I think the biggest, at least for me, the biggest struggle with motherhood and you know, being pregnant and being a CEO has been time. You don't realize how short time is or even how short your energy is until you're in the moment experiencing it. Like, you know, before you were pregnant you didn't know that you would need like 5,000 naps, you know, like we're just exhausted, you know? And, and then you know, once you have the baby, it's like they're on their own little schedule. So it's just so many things going on. So this time around, what I'm really focusing on is just being a little more forward thinking, planning out content. A lot of my clients we can plan ahead, which is beautiful. And it's also helped me set like a new standard for how I do business because I don't like working last minute, like, let's be real, I don't wanna work last minute.

Kay Hillman (11:08):

And so it's nice to be able to kind of just put this new protocol in place to be able to serve them more effectively. But also to give them a little bit of flexibility too, because a lot of my clients end up being moms as well. So it's like everybody benefits, you know, from, from a little bit of shift in transition. And then also right now I am just making space to make sure that I take two months instead of two weeks from maternity leave. So yay for that. So yeah, that's where we are. Yeah, I was, I was actually literally about to ask you, so them two weeks that we did last time, like, are we gonna up that I, like what's this gonna look like? Yes, definitely not two weeks. <Laugh>. I do think you bring up a really great point and you didn't highlight it, so I'm gonna highlight it because I know that you're a service provider, right?

Kay Hillman (11:55):

And so with the photography, with the coaching, like all of this requires, Kay, all of this requires Kay's expertise, her time, her attention. And to your point, when you got a newborn and the toddler in the mix, it's like, ooh, my time and attention is extreme. Like I have to set firm boundaries around it. And so I love the fact that you bring that up because for the expecting CEO that's listening to this and she's also a service provider, thinking about those boundaries, like you said, like my clients know I don't respond to nothing in 15 minutes, but as simple as okay, what does it look like for me? Do I, do I, you know, commit to responding by end of day? Is it more, you know, a 48 hour turned around unless you mark this as urgent? Like what does that look like for you?

Tianna Tye (12:44):

Cuz I think that's a really, really great point for those of us who are not necessarily only doing like products or something like that, whereas it's, it's us involved <laugh>. Yeah, and, and like you said, like as the ceo you get to decide. And I think that's something that when I was first pregnant I was still kind of new in business. So, you know, when you're newer in business, sometimes you feel like you just have to do things because you're, you're growing and building out kind of stuff. But the truth of the matter is that you don't have to allow people to treat you any sort of way. You don't have to, like there are no real like constraints or whatever that you have to adhere to, you know, like, oh, if you don't respond within 10 minutes, like you're a terrible, like that's not a thing.

Kay Hillman (13:28):

So you know, its get what those boundaries look like, what those like response times look like and just be realistic with yourself. And also just giving yourself grace and just extra, extra flexibility. Cause I know for me, I go through seasons and I just tell my clients like, Hey, you know, response times are gonna be a little bit delayed. I'll probably respond, you know, in about 72 hours, like you said, unless something that's super urgent. And then also just creating other communication channels for people besides you know, like if it's something that's really quick, I'll be like, Okay, you can boxer me for these certain things or what I've actually done now is streamline everything. So they only communicate with me through our client portal inside of Asana. And that works really perfectly because it's like, wow, there's this one place that all the information is in, in this one spot.

Kay Hillman (14:22):

And if they have any questions or concerns you, you mentioned this and I wanted to say one thing I've learned is to stop being the bottleneck of my own business. And so I've hired Help <laugh>. So now that you know, they're able to ask their questions or whatever in the portal, it doesn't have to even be me responding. Like I have team members who can say, Hey, this is where this is, or this is how you do X, Y, and z and the job can still get done without me having to always be in the middle.

Tianna Tye (14:52):

Today's affirmation is one that I personally had on repeat for myself and it's if I can build a business, I can absolutely birth the baby. You can get your hands on your own deck or gift it to the expecting CEO in your life by visiting www.theexpectingceo.com/affirmations and fun bonus we're giving the podcast family 10% off. Just use the code e c o show and you can snag yours for 10% off today.

Tianna Tye (15:26):

I think that's such an important point. And I know obviously like that's incredibly dependent on where you are with your company and you know, is, is resources involved in that? Like we gotta be able to afford the help and the support and all of that stuff. But I will say personally, you know, whenever I was I promoted my intern into a full team member capacity and so when I was making that decision, I knew, I think when I first started talk thinking about it, I knew that we were gonna start trying to conceive and then by the time we actually pulled the trigger on promoting her into associate consultant, I already knew that I was expecting. And so it was a couple of months ahead of when I probably would have done it. However, again, knowing that I was expecting, even if it was a little tighter than I would've liked for it to be financially just on like the margin side of things, it was 110% worth it because at this point we're only November, right?

Tianna Tye (16:25):

Like I'm do towards the end of February, we're only in November and I'm confident that by February whenever I have to step back and I'm not, you know, running my mastermind calls like I'm more so, and we're still working out the details of all of that, but I'm more so going to be able to check in and double check the audits that my team member is conducting for my clients and stuff like that. But I'm so confident in her ability to take care of our clients and our clients know her now. Like we've been very, very as transparent as possible. As soon as I was comfortable telling my clients, I was like, Look y'all, this is what's going on. This is Evelyn. You used to know her as an intern, now she's an associate consultant, get to know her. She's gonna start chiming in more and more over the next few months because come February she's going to be your main point person.

Kay Hillman (17:15):

And so there's no surprises there. And I do think it is lucky to, to find out, cuz I was kind of like you sixth senses, I think I knew like a full two weeks before I missed my first period. I was like mm-hmm we pregnant. I don't care what that test says, we pregnant. And I was right. So <laugh>, I started thinking about those plans really far in advance and I think the support is huge. So if you can swing it, absolutely get support and if you can't we've gotta streamline. Cuz to your point, that time and energy is so precious. And also the other thing is if you cannot like swing cause I, my with King, there was no way that I could have swung a team member or anything. And I, I didn't know you <laugh> for, I didn't know to streamline.

Kay Hillman (18:05):

So you know, like I just didn't have all this things in place. But what I will say is that one thing that a 5000% helped and I think that this is the one thing that really just carried me and changed the game for when I was pregnant and building my business is outsourcing the other little stuff that's life related, not business related. So like this sounds so bougie sometimes, but it's like I don't care. Like it just saves me so much time and energy and effort. But I outsource laundry. Like there's laundry service and they fold and wash my clothes and bring it back. When I first had the baby, we hired a meal prep and she brought us weekly meals so that we didn't have to worry about cooking. Like those little things you end up saving in the long run because it's like time is really of the essence and especially when you don't have everything together like this is the encourage the person that doesn't have everything together because I surely did not know what was going on with life at all when I had king and when I was pregnant.

Kay Hillman (19:05):

And it was just really helpful to just be able to get like those small task off your plate so that you're not sitting there at the end of the night like, oh man, I need to do laundry. I need to fold with the clothes, I need to, you know, do all these little mundane tasks that somebody else could be doing. I mean, and I have a wonderful husband, but he's not gonna do the laundry. He's just not mean if I ask, but I have to ask him times and who wants to do that, you know, when we can just let someone else do it and call it a day. So that's also another option if the team thing. And then of course, you know, getting the systems in place and everything, but if you're not able to get that person just outsourcing life things is like such a life like a mom hack <laugh> in my opinion.

Tianna Tye (19:45):

Oh yes. I mean I'm 110% spoiled in the fact that my mom doesn't live in town, so she's going to come stay with us for the first month or two and we actually, you know, this is another blessing in and of itself, but we get along with my mama, we like my mama, so that's gonna be actually be a lot of fun and a really, really helpful thing. But I think you make a really great point because I honestly, I'm not super concerned on the business side of things. Like I think I'm doing what I can, you know what I mean? And to that point, there's only so much that we can do, but to your point, that personal life stuff, like whenever I first found out I was pregnant, I went and organized my linen closet cuz I was like, this linen closet is insane and when I have a baby it's gonna be 10 times worse.

Tianna Tye (20:29):

So we're getting baskets and we're organizing the hell out of this thing. But for real, like some of those household things that everyone just is always fighting about or stressing about, if you can get someone to help come over and like get a friend to help you organize something in advance or do what Kay said and hire out the meal service or the laundry service, fricking do it. Amen.

New Speaker (20:53):

Yeah, because I'm working on stuff like that right now. Lesson, those little household things creep up on you so randomly. And like especially I don't know if you hit the nesting phase yet, but I didn't, I actually didn't nest with king, which was so crazy, but the day that I was supposed to have, or the day that I had him, all of a sudden I had this sudden urge to clean my closet.

Kay Hillman (21:16):

It's been two years and my closet still looks a wreck. So <laugh> it's like, you know, it's really, it's just, it's really helpful. You know, and I said outsource, but totally friends and family, like my sisters came but while I was pregnant and they helped me with certain things. So, you know, if you could just get people to help you do that life stuff, man, like, it just eases things up so much, you know, after the, once the baby's here and even your mental sanity while you're pregnant because we all kind of go, in my opinion, a little crazy. Like, I feel crazy sometimes pregnant, like what is going on? The dreams are crazy. I'm sweating all day like, what is happening here? You know? So there's like so much stuff going on that it's just really nice to have people help with the life stuff because one thing I I I've experienced with both of these pregnancies now is just when life feels really chaotic or overwhelming, business starts to like feel shaky and rocky because my mind is so consumed with like this personal stuff and it's just bleeding over.

Kay Hillman (22:12):

And so it's really helpful to have some sort of support, whether it's hire family or whatever to help you with like those, you know, little backend stuff that just kind of runs up on you. Like laundry, like girl laundry is just ridiculous. But definitely another conversation. <Laugh>, Yes, I hear hor. I mean I feel like we do a lot of laundry now and it's just the two of us, so I'm really about to learn now we shall see <laugh>. Okay, so to keep the good vibes going as we start to kind of wrap up, I'd love to hear from you just like in this season cuz you are in a whole new season ma'am, like is about to be the kids, not the kid, which is crazy. I'd love to hear from you just like what you are most grateful for right now, both professionally and personally.

Kay Hillman (23:02):

It is such a good one. Personally, I am just grateful that I am allowing myself to feel the feelings. It's something that I never did before. I grew up where we, you know, you kind of keep your feelings to yourself but having a kid really makes you or challenges you to, you know, look into your emotional intelligence and really just examine the things you say and the things you do. And so I'm really grateful for that because I can see the difference in my son and I can really see how the healthy habits that I have been working really hard on. And, and it's hard, you know, when you're trying to unlearn or you know, just kind of deal with your own mess and your own trauma. So it's just really nice to see him embody things like empathy and even for him to kind of be able to regulate his own emotions and things.

Kay Hillman (24:01):

It's just been really nice. So I'm really grateful for that and I'm really grateful for a husband that's supportive of that. Cause I know sometimes it can be hard, you know, both parents aren't on the same page about things dealing with the children. And then as far as business, I'm just feeling really grateful that this time around I am able to make the adjustments. I I feel like the first time I, I wasn't prepared to make the adjustments but this time around it's that, it's that confidence in knowing that you can do this. It's possible, you know, like a lot of times, like, like I said, I close two businesses cause I was like, this is not possible. But once you start doing it, you realize that it's so much bigger than you. There are so many other, like, I mean you have this whole platform, right?

Kay Hillman (24:46):

It's so many other moms out there that are trying to do it. There's no reason why you can't. And so I'm just really grateful for my business that I'm able to make the necessary adjustments so that I can continue to give my children the life I want them to have.

Tianna Tye (25:01):

Yes. And King is gonna be so grateful for that. Like you said earlier at the top of this interview, he couldn't have no better mama than what he has right now. So I know that he is grateful that you are out here doing it. So as we come to a close, I would love to just hear for, you know, for the woman who is seeing herself in you and who is like one chapter behind you, you know what I mean? Kind of following in your shoes and is like, okay, <laugh>, tell me some, tell me some I need to hear. What is one affirmation or positive thought or just encouragement that you want to leave them with?

Kay Hillman (25:37):

This is what I say to myself all the time, so I'm just gonna say it. But allow, like give yourself grace. That has been the biggest lesson I've had to learn. Especially because, especially with the first kid, I feel like the first kid is kind of the hardest in terms of that mental shift you make because you're so used to doing things a certain way without kids and then when you do have one it can feel discouraging it and feel, you know, just overwhelming. And I just want to say like, give yourself grace and just know that nothing is really an emergency. I feel like I made that mistake thinking that everything was just so important and, and to the detriment of my own mental health, you know, of just trying to put others before me. But it's like whether I respond in 15 minutes or the next day, it's not gonna change the answer.

Kay Hillman (26:31):

Like, it's not gonna make anything, any, you know, different, nothing's gonna, like, the world's not gonna end because of my response time or whatever. So just giving yourself that grace and just knowing that there's no such thing as an emergency. I mean obviously if it's your kids, like that's different, but there's no emergencies, you know, like you, everything is figureoutable. Like even if it takes a little bootstrapping or you know, a little duct tape here and there, like it all eventually works itself out. And I think if you can just practice grace and just practice kindness to yourself because it's so easy to be that that mean girl and be that critic. And when you find yourself doing that, just really try and, and it's easier so than done. But really just try to take a step back and be like, you know what?

Kay Hillman (27:17):

I can figure this out. Like give yourself a, a chance to take a breath and be like, I can figure this out. This is gonna work out. Maybe that means that you have to just take a step back and spend some more time with your baby. Which a lot of people sleep on that. But that actually worked for me a lot, just spending time with him to just recharge myself and be like, Okay, I can do this now. You know, giving him a little bit of love so that I can, so that he can let me work. Like, you know, it's just all these little tricks that you learn, but it all starts with just really giving yourself that grace and that space to be like everything is gonna be okay and your kids couldn't have a better mother. Like that's the truth. Your kid cannot get to have a better mother, like you're already ahead of the game.

Tianna Tye (27:54):

Aww, I love that. That just makes, that gives you the warm and fuzzies. Oh goodness. Okay. So we are not in those listening, just know y'all are here in this not in real time. This is like way after the fact cuz Tianna has been very clear about the fact that this podcast is not coming out until well after maternity leave. So with that in mind can you share with everyone just like the number one place that you hang out?

Kay Hillman (28:19):

Yes. You could find me Instagram at Mrs k Hillman. That's where I'm hanging out all the time. And you can connect with me over there. You'll all sorts of, and you'll see the probably by yeah, <laugh>, so that.