Episode 6. Jasmin Forts Transcript

Jasmin Forts (00:01):

You have this picture of what postpartum is going to look like, what motherhood is going to look like, and what the support is gonna look like, whether it's from your grandmother, your mother, your aunt, you know, people in your family. It may and sometimes it may not look like that, but that's okay because you will get the support where you need it when you are open to it and vulnerable enough to ask and accept and accept it.

Tianna Tye (00:32):

I'm Tianna Tye, first time mama, entrepreneur, and speaker. And if you're hearing this right now, I am so excited for you because you are officially a part of a community unlike anything that's ever existed before. Here we welcome the weird cravings, the constant napping, and the high achieving spirit that us business owners are known for. Here we are pulling back the curtain on what it's really like to grow a human while running a business at the same time. Now, let me be clear, I am not the expert here. Crazy words coming from an Enneagram five. I'm just a first time mama who did something that I'm extremely proud of. I asked for help. I tapped my network of powerful business owners, authors, and generally just incredible humans who have been there before. Whether they unexpectedly had their first kid just a year into business, or started their family after their company hit seven figures plus, or maybe they were just in full planning mode trying to conceive, they are dishing it all. So get ready for real conversation and a look at these personal journeys that are going to leave you expecting not only a baby, but a powerful evolution of self. This is The Expecting CEO.

Tianna Tye (01:50):

Hello. Hello. So I am super, super excited because we are joined by someone who really prides herself on her ability to be transparent and vulnerable and hold space for other women who are going through this journey. So, to me, this is like the ideal person that we can talk to. We're talking to Jasmine Forts and Jasmine, I could go and read the bio and do all the things, but actually I would like to just turn it straight over to you. And if you could share with everybody just a little bit about who you are, both from a personal and professional stance, we would all love to learn a little bit more about Jeff.

Jasmin Forts (02:25):

Absolutely. Thank you for that. So I'm gonna start with a personal, just because I try to talk in priority, and that is definitely Priorit prioritized for me. So I'm a mama of three. Recently just gave birth to my third baby about 12 weeks ago. And I like to say I'm a trophy wife, Okay. To my husband. So <laugh>, I I am definitely grateful to be a wife and a mother to these four beings that I, I definitely prayed for to have in my life. Additionally, I am a HR director and Yogi and a meditation coach. But what funds all that is my nine to five, again, as a HR director within talent management for a retail engineering organization in the greater Atlanta area. I'd like to focus on rest and definitely work-life balance since I do wear a lot of hats. <Laugh> from a high level bio you can probably hear, you know, just the things that I handle. But yeah, that's, that's Jasmine forts in a nutshell. I'm happy to be speaking with you today.

Tianna Tye (03:32):

Yes, I'm super, super happy. I was telling you when we were offline that one of my favorite parts about this project so far is just the, the diversity in the women that we've been talking to in regards to where they are in their journey, where they were in business, when they conceived, so on and so forth. So I know that you said, you know, you have created three human beings, which is insane to me. I'm like, Wow, that's cool, <laugh>, but you've created three, three human beings. But I'm curious to kind of hear about the overlap. So for each little being, where were you professionally? Where were you? I'm just gonna call it, you know with the yoga practice and with this and with some of the other work that you're doing. Where were you?

Jasmin Forts (04:17):

Yeah, so with my first baby, I was young. Well, yeah, I was young. I gave birth when I was 21 to my daughter, Jada, who is actually going to be entering college. This, this upcoming fall. Well, 2022, I'm sorry, I'm rushing everything because I still can't believe I have <laugh> a high school senior and a newborn. Okay. So where I was with her was just as confused and I think emotionally unstable as I am almost entering 40. So I feel like I tell people I feel like I'm 16 and pregnant all over again with Jada. I had met her father while I was in undergrad and he was in graduate school. He was from Louisiana out right outside of New Orleans. And we, we had a very nice relationship, but I, but I think we both knew we wanted different things in life, but we still decided that since we made this life, we wanted to be responsible for it.

Jasmin Forts (05:19):

And so his family, he comes from a beautiful southern family all over Louisiana. And when I tell you right, when I told them I was pregnant and I was still in college I think his mother dropped everything and like drove up to Atlanta and his aunts and every, they embraced me. And I was so grateful for that circle of women because I had a fractured relationship with my mother and my family. So to have that type of support on my first pregnancy with my daughter while I was so confused and feeling like I had a bunch to do, like I, I hadn't even started my career. I wasn't married. So I felt the stigma of that being, you know, a young black woman. There was just a lot of things that I was battling with. But when I tell you those women went ahead and healed that right on up for me, I give my flowers to, to his mother probably every year.

Jasmin Forts (06:15):

I, I think about the birth of my first daughter, Jada. So that, that, that was very important to me that experience. But, you know, we remain friends. We, we co-parented and I was dating <laugh> other folks, and I met my husband while I was working at Emory University when my daughter was three years old. And my, my husband now, who we've been married for almost 13 years, I remember him just, I think kind of being just, what is the word I'm looking for? I think he was just kind of like amazed at the relationship I had with the father of my child, cuz it was no drama. We were definitely just being parents and he just, he loved how I was mothering my daughter. And so he fell in love with me. But he, he always says he fell in love with Jada.

Jasmin Forts (07:11):

And so I didn't introduce Jada and Ricardo, my husband for the first three to four months. Because I felt like, you know, as a mother, we, we do have to protect our seeds and we do, especially when raising a daughter. It was my responsibility to make sure that whatever man did enter her life, either measured up to her father or I was sure that he wasn't trying to take the place of her father, but be a a compliment to that. And so we were engaged six months <laugh> into dating, got married three months later, and I found out I was pregnant with my now son who is 12. Well, turning 12 next week, Ezra. And that pregnancy was tough on my second trimester. I just started bleeding profusely. I didn't know what it was. I was bleeding every time I would urinate, Sorry if it's tmi, but if you're pregnant, you know, everybody's poking and prodding at you right now anyways.

Jasmin Forts (08:11):

You're always naked in the office, it feels like in the doctor's office, you're doing all the things. So this is just, just an honest conversation, you know, I was, every time I peed, it was just blood. It was, it, it was scary to me. And again, I didn't have that relationship with my mother and marrying into this family is nothing. It's mostly men. You know, my my husband has brothers and all his cousins are boys. And so a lot of the, a lot of the conversations aren't around the needs of women. So I, I felt like I was in an episode of house in this pregnancy. Like we, I was back and forth to the hospital. I, I was nervous, I was stressed out. You know, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go full term with the pregnancy. And this is, is all in a new marriage.

Jasmin Forts (08:56):

Without having the support of, you know, the support I had the first time around in my pregnancy. So I was emotional. I was crying like every day. I, I was, I was just very emotional. And I said, I remember one day I was in the shower and I was thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm having a son, but I'm gonna make him a crybaby because he's marinating in all these energies, <laugh> of sorrow and self pity and tears. My son, my son is very sensitive. I won't call him a crybaby just in case he hears this <laugh>, but he's very sensitive and I think that has a lot to do with the womb he was in and the womb that I was carrying him in. And so, you know, after going to the hospital so many times, they still know what was going on, but they gave me like sodium by carbonate, which is just salt water.

Jasmin Forts (09:49):

They gave me morphine and that was really it. It cleared up on its own, but still I had a lot of just, I would say trauma around that pregnancy. And I, I gave birth to Ezra and I was busy. I was detached. I was a little sad and I was hurried through that process with my son. And even today talking about it makes me really sad. And, you know, I, I've mourned that, that part of my mothering experience for my son because I don't remember it. And and I'm still trying to forgive myself for that. So, coming into my third pregnancy with Enzo who is now 12 weeks, my, my husband and I, because we are older and I like to think a little bit wiser, <laugh>, we promised ourselves that we would slow down. Even with this pregnancy, I made sure I hired a doula.

Jasmin Forts (10:47):

I was very intentional about, you know, the OB that I chose. Even just the practice of resting and sleeping and making sure the employer that I was working for and the business that I was running could support that as well. So I had to get comfortable in saying no to folks. I had to get comfortable and really listening to my body. And I will say that I am better for it. And Enzo had a beautiful entry into the world and I'm, I'm so grateful for that. And I'm, I'm taking all of this in just because I really wasn't able to my last pregnancy. And it's helping me heal that piece of it too. So I would say this pregnancy, this third pregnancy has helped me reconcile my relationship with motherhood where I no longer feel like motherhood is a duty. I feel like it's a blessing.

Jasmin Forts (11:40):

So it's not a task anymore. I, I do wake up each day like, okay, you know, what can I do God to best support my kids, myself and my husband? But I also pause, you know, to take that in. And I, I am great. I'm so grateful for that. But I, I do remember some of that, that piece before where it was tough, you know? And this postpartum has been tough, you know, just because I'm still trying to forgive myself for the past experiences. I'm mothering three babies and I feel like I'm by myself sometimes. Every day is, is a challenge, but I'm up for it. And now I do tell people I need help. And so my sister circle of friends, they've swooped down on me and I'm just grateful that I'm vulnerable to ask for help and receive it now. Cause girl, that wasn't my story before

Tianna Tye (12:38):

<Laugh>. Wow. First of all, I'm really, really happy to hear that you are on this path of kind of healing those past wounds, cuz that sounds very, very real. And I feel like that's definitely going to touch somebody where they're like, Ooh, girl, me too, me too. Working on it. <Laugh>. Yep.

Speaker 4 (12:54):

Yep. <Laugh>.

Tianna Tye (12:58):

Today's affirmation is that I am up for the challenge of taking on a new role. I am. And so are you my friend. You can get your hands on your own deck or gift it to the expecting CEO in your life by visiting www.theexpectingceo.com/affirmations. And fun bonus, we're giving the podcast family 10% off. Just use the code e c show and you can snag yours for 10% off. Today.

Tianna Tye (13:59):

I would love to hear a little bit about what this journey, so more so this maternity leave postpartum phase has really looked like for you because as a woman who not only has an employer but also runs a business, you do have a lot of hats and you also have two other children and you also have a husband. You know what I mean? So what, what did, what was the thinking that went into planning what this maternity leave would look like? What has actually happened? What has been that experience so far?

Jasmin Forts (14:28):

Yeah, that's a great question. So I took the entire 12 weeks of maternity leave. And because I had short term disability, I was, you know, able to be paid a percentage of my salary for, for those that have questions around that. So the first month it was 90%. The second month it was 80%, and then the third month was 70%. And, and so the planning around that, because my husband is in finance, we, we print, we, we do pretty good saving anyway. So a lot of my spending didn't change, but I wanted to make sure that I could put my money away and save and invest the way I had been. So some of that had changed a little bit, but I was okay with that going into this maternity leave. We had to decide if Ricardo was gonna take some time off.

Jasmin Forts (15:16):

And initially when I, when I went into, you know, maternity leave he was in the throws of budget season. So if any of you all are finance professionals or partner with a finance professional, you know, how busy season can be when they're at year end close. It's not as bad as month end closing, but year end is very chaotic and stress stressful for them. So add on top of that, you know, having a wife with a new baby I know he was stressed, but we were like, Ah, it's gonna be okay. You don't have to take paternity leave just now. He's going to be little. And you know, you'll be able to handle it. Girl, the devil's, that's all I can say on that. I think we would've probably done that differently because I didn't realize that that was the onset of my, just the, I wanna say the, the challenge, like the struggle of, of adjusting to a new baby because my partner, my husband, my best friend was literally doing all of the things for work.

Jasmin Forts (16:25):

So we had to call on his mother and that's when I had to really call on my, my friends and, you know, fill the gap where Ricardo may have been. And that was tough for me because I really wanted him to be there, but I had to, I understood that, you know, this is what our plan was. And even though we did adjust it on some days, he did have other responsibilities that we didn't plan for. And so I was a little sad about that. But what I did learn, you know, in this season is that even though you want support to look a certain way, God is always going to su supply that support to you. So even though I wanted it from my husband, I literally had seven other women and my girlfriends that were cooking meals, they were asking to come by and just hold baby for me so I can shower.

Jasmin Forts (17:15):

My mother-in-law was coming by so I could just go get a facial, you know, or just walk outside or just go to Target when I was healed up and able to walk. So I had to literally like throw that expectation away of like, this is what support looks like. It's like no jazz support is support and God has given you the abundance of love and support in other people. And not to just kind of rag <laugh>, rag rag Ricardo about what he was doing cuz he's, he's supporting and providing and he's protecting. It just looked a little different. So I had to provide myself Grace there and him Grace there too. And I will say that got easier. So now 12 weeks into it, right baby is 12 weeks and the kids are adjusted and they're like, Okay, we, we can hold him now.

Jasmin Forts (18:06):

We we're not afraid we're gonna break him. <Laugh>, you know, everybody's adjusted to it. My ugh, my mind and my body, were still, even while I'm talking to you, are kind of a jumble of emotions and I'm still a little anxious, but I'm working through it every morning. So, you know, I do my meditation and my yoga, but I'm not gonna lie, you know coming back to work this week, like literally this past Monday was my first day back, I was talking to Ricardo and I was like, you know, I don't think I, I wanna go back. I think I wanna just focus on the business full time. But then I got nervous about that. Like, okay, I'm not even prepared to do that full time. So it was all these conversations because I still want the autonomy, but I want the flexibility to be mommy to these three people.

Jasmin Forts (18:56):

And honestly, right now, my nine to five does give me more flexibility then my business <laugh>. And if, and if you understand just like the leveling of where I am in corporate, I don't have to do a lot of handholding and I'm, I'm not micromanaged because of my position in the organization, organization I work for. It does give me the freedom to make my day look the way I need it to look. So I am taking my time, I'm gonna be honest, I'm taking my time and I'm just trying to tap into what I know to be true about myself and where I want my business to fit it and what I would like to support other women in as they are working or transitioning out of work in understanding what that balance looks like for them. Yeah. That's what I'll say. That's what I'll say. I'll just say that it's every day <laugh>, it is a ongoing survey, you know, for myself. Like, girl, what are you doing? I don't know, <laugh>, <laugh>. So yeah, that's how I'll

Tianna Tye (20:00):

Say, yeah. Oh, and you know what, I really, really appreciate your perspective because I will tell you, you know, with the name of this community that we started, the Expecting ceo, the vast majority of women that we have been interviewing and talking to are in their businesses full time to date, right? And so I was really excited to chat with you because there are other self-identifying expecting CEOs who yeah, they still founded a business and that business may be very lucrative, very busy, what have you, but just like you, they still have this support, this option, if you will, of contributing to another organization. And I think you bring up a really great point because that does allow a certain degree of flexibility. You know what I'm saying? You were like 12 week maternity leave. I said 12 week maternity leave, where Oh my goodness. That sounds delightful. <Laugh>.

Jasmin Forts (20:55):

Yes. Yeah, I know, right?

Tianna Tye (20:58):

<Laugh>, But it's, so, it's so important that we talk about that because again, depending on who's listening right now, like this may be speaking to you and this may be the perspective that you needed to hear. So I'm curious, cause I think you've kind of alluded to it, but you were on full maternity leave from the corporate position. Did you touch the business, your business during that time? Or were you off?

Jasmin Forts (21:23):

Yes, so I, you know, honestly, the first month of, Okay, so while, so when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, Okay, I'm going to do all the things right. Like, I'm going to work the nine to five, I'm going to run the business. I was still having events, I was like still doing all of the things. But after my first trimester, I remember like sitting down and this is we were semi pandemic here in Atlanta, I guess <laugh>, like, they never identified the pandemic to me. Like we've always been open, but I mean, my house was quarantined, but I remember sitting down after like a virtual conference that I spoke at and being like, Okay, jazz, you said that you were going to give this pregnancy the love, the rest and intention that it needed because I was starting to feel really tired.

Jasmin Forts (22:16):

And you know, when people, when they recognize you out in the market, then they do have different asks of you and you start to get busy and then you find yourself on five projects when you're like, Oh, I was gonna take the break. So I would say that, you know, I started to slow down around my second trimester and then right when I felt like talking to my doula when I felt like it was time to just go ahead and do like, enjoy the nesting and enjoy my baby and the process. Cause I don't know if I'll be pregnant again. I went ahead and put, put my business on, on hold. You know, there was like some clients that I had that I was, I was finishing up with and I had one contract actually that was a heavy lift for me, but they knew I was pregnant and, and you know, it was a really good partner that I had that I was contracting and consulting with.

Jasmin Forts (23:12):

So after that project pretty much wrapped up, I was like, Okay, I'm, I'm taking the break. So yeah, my business was, it was slowing down, I would say, but I didn't stop fully, fully until around that nesting time. And I'm grateful I did because you know how it can get right? Like you, you have every intention to slow down with the business, but then of course something pops up and you're like, Okay, God, are you testing me? Or did you want me to keep going or am I <laugh>? So I knew I needed to slow down and I, and, and that's basically like the, the flow that I had. So I'm, I'm now starting to ramp back up mm-hmm. <Affirmative> and you know, let let folks know that I'm, I'm back, I'm, you know, I'm here. So

Tianna Tye (23:53):

Absolutely, I mean, trust me, I get it. The other day a colleague of mine, <laugh>, she affectionately told me that I, I was doing the most entrepreneur, entrepreneur thing in the whole world, starting this community <laugh>. Yes. And I was like, you know what, you're not wrong. And absolutely, absolutely. But I understand what you're saying because even in that spirit of rest, I already know, and I've been very transparent with people that we are having these conversations early November of 2021 on purpose because post holiday season, Tiana is in, in hermit land. That's right. And I'm gonna be very happy about it, <laugh>,

Jasmin Forts (24:32):

Amen. I know that's right.

Tianna Tye (24:33):

Yes, <laugh>. Oh, I love it. Okay, so I'm curious, is there anything that you just, I don't know, you wish you would've known, even though you had kind of been through the pregnancy thing twice. You know, the third journey does sound like it was very different. Any other things that you just wish someone would've kind been like, Hey jazz, like let's talk about this. Let me remind you of this.

Jasmin Forts (24:54):

Yeah, I think the biggest thing is that I'm capable and that, that that is so heavy. Like I'm, I'm in this postpartum season and thing is so emotional for me. So yeah, that's heavy. You know, the the biggest thing for me is that you can, you can forgive yourself, you know, if mother, if, if you've already had, if you already have children or if you had certain thi thoughts about being pregnant and have kids you can always reconcile your relationship with mothering. You know, whether you are a big sister and you mothered your little brothers and sisters, or you're like an auntie to, to kids or you are a mentor, like you're mothering. You know, and having your own baby brings on this awareness of the fragility of life, but also this awareness in you each time you have a baby, that you are capable.

Jasmin Forts (26:02):

And that as a being, I am whole and I am perfect and I'm complete cuz that's how I was made and I'm, I'm bringing forth a life that's going to be the same, whatever that looks like. And I think that was the biggest reminder in this last pregnancy. And I, I'm grateful that that was just kind of downloaded in me, you know, through this like, you know what Jasmine, you are a whole, you are complete, you are perfect and you're bringing something that is just as beautiful the same way. So yeah, that's given me a lot of grace and a lot of space to forgive myself in places where I feel like I, I fall short even for my kids that are older, you know, But they remind me too, you know, my daughter called me from school and she was like, Mom, are you taking care of yourself? Are you

Tianna Tye (26:52):

<Laugh>

Jasmin Forts (26:53):

<Laugh>? Because that's what I tell them every day. I literally, I remind them, you know, cuz they, you know, self-esteem and stuff is a big thing for them at this age. I'm telling them that. So it was, it was so funny to put the mirror up to myself, <laugh>, and get that from my kids. So they're mothering me right now too.

Tianna Tye (27:10):

<Laugh>. Oh, that is so sweet. Well, speaking of the sweet vibes, the good vibes, I would love to hear from you just in this season. Like I know that you're in the postpartum haze right now, you know, like slowly emerging in a way that feels good to you. And I'm curious, what are you the most grateful for in this season, both in your personal life and in your professional life?

Jasmin Forts (27:33):

Yeah, in my personal life, I am so grateful for my husband. He is probably the best partner that I could have asked for, prayed for. He's my best friend and he recognizes a lot of things in me that sometimes I don't see. And so it's been, it's been such a, a journey of gratitude to, to have him like support me, lift me up, recognize when he needs to swoop in, when I'm, when I'm at my lowest, when I'm like crying on the carpet. Like, I can't do this. I don't know, you know, he just, he kind of swos me in like a little baby too. And like, No, you have this jazz, we can do this. And so I'm, I'm really grateful for him and again, grateful for the support of my sisters. Like the family that I made, not the family that I came from.

Jasmin Forts (28:28):

They are, they are everything. I'm not gonna cry, but or maybe I am, Oh my God. Just the support of, of having them and having my husband just reminded me that again, you know, you have this, you have this picture of what postpartum is going to look like, what motherhood is going to look like and what the support is gonna look like, whether it's from your grandmother, your mother, your aunt, you know, people in your family and may and sometimes it may not look like that, but that's okay because you will get the support where you need it when you are open to it and vulnerable enough to ask and accept and accept it. And so I am grateful for that. I am definitely grateful for that. Personally, professionally, I am grateful for the business relationships that I've, I've nurtured and made because they've had, they have sustained me through this weird time.

Jasmin Forts (29:32):

You know, it's like I don't even have to explain a lot of times like to some of my business partners or some of the folks I've consulted with or even the community that I've built, you know those three tangents of my business. I believe that because I show up a certain way and I am a professional and I am an expert at what I do, but there's a humanness that I bring, an authentic quality that I do bring to any project that I'm on that even in this season as a professional, I am, I am able to say like, Hey I I need to step away for, for a day or two. Can we, you know, talk about this next week? And they respect it and they're not offended or they're not rushing me. So I am so grateful for that professionally because it helped support my personal, which is the priority in my life. So, yeah.

Tianna Tye (30:25):

Yes. And I love that that's like a very much full circle moment from when I asked you to introduce yourself and you said that you lead with the personal. So love that. Okay. As we start to wind down, I think the one thing that we still need to hear from you is the one thing that you want to share with the woman who's listening and is just like, this woman has been speaking into my heart this entire time, whether she's currently in a postpartum stage or she's on this journey and she just feels like she resonates so much with your spirit. Just one word of encouragement, one affirmation, however you wanna put it, that you think that that expecting CEO needs to hear.

Jasmin Forts (31:06):

Absolutely. But you got me crying, so I'm trying to find a tissue <laugh>. Oh my goodness. Okay. So let me focus back. I would say the one thing, you know, if, if what I'm saying resonates with you, and if whatever I shared resonated with you or you see yourself in me, it's because you are a woman that feels like she can keep all the balls in the air, right? <Laugh> and, and you are a leader and you can do the things and that's fine sis, but accept the help. That's going to be the mantra. And that was the one for me except the help. That was tough for me because I was so used to being everything to everyone else and keeping the balls in the air that I didn't want any of them to drop. But I'm accepting the help and also I'm letting some of the balls drop. I'm making sure that the, the plastic ones and not the glass ones, right? So they'll bounce, they won't break. But I'm accepting the help and that means that as, as a a person, that that is seen as always having it put together. It's hard to be vulnerable and accept the help, but it's okay. So I'll say, accept this, accept the helpness. Please do. Yeah.

Tianna Tye (32:26):

Love that. Love it, love it, love it. I also love the analogy of we gonna let these plastic balls bounce a little bit and they gonna be right.

Jasmin Forts (32:35):

Be right.

Tianna Tye (32:38):

Yes. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you ma'am. Can you tell everyone where you hang out the most online so that they can make sure they connect with you?

Jasmin Forts (32:47):

Yes. So, okay. I'm revamping all of that, right? Okay. Cause I'm pivoting and all of that. But you can always catch me on Instagram at signed well rested jazz, and that's spelled exactly how it si sounds. So at signed s i n I'm sorry, s i g n, eed well rested, j a s or you can find me on Facebook at at the same handle or you can link in with me. I'm Jasmine Ports, no e at the end. And those three places you can find me, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook.

Tianna Tye (33:24):

Oh, beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

Jasmin Forts (33:28):

Absolutely. Thank you.