Episode 9. Anonymous Expecting CEO Transcript

Anonymous Expecting CEO (00:01):

Having that support system made it easier to be able to look internally and deal with the loss versus, I did have a, I have previously had a miscarriage before at a job and like, I mean, you have to put in PTO and it's, it's, it's like a thing and they, and they, there's a stigma to it that you're just supposed to bounce right back. But...

Tianna Tye (00:27):

I'm Tianna Tye, first time mama, entrepreneur and speaker. And if you're hearing this right now, I am so excited for you because you are officially a part of a community unlike anything that's ever existed before. Here we welcome the weird cravings, the constant napping and the high-achieving spirit that us business owners are known for. Here we are pulling back the curtain on what it's really like to grow a human while running a business at the same time. Now let me be clear, I am not the expert here. Crazy words coming from an Enneagram five. I'm just a first time mama who did something that I'm extremely proud of. I asked for help. I tapped my network of powerful business owners, authors, and generally just incredible humans who have been there before. Whether they unexpectedly had their first kid just a year into business or started their family after their company hit seven figures plus, or maybe they were just in full planning mode trying to conceive, they are dishing it all. So get ready for real conversation and a look at these personal journeys that are going to leave you expecting not only a baby, but a powerful evolution of self. This is the Expecting ceo.

Tianna Tye (01:46):

Hello. Hello. You are listening to another episode of The Expecting ceo. I would love actually just to pass it straight on over to you so that you can tell us a little bit about yourself, both from a personal professional, literally whatever, kind of like that highlight reel of what you want us to know about you is go ahead and spill the beans on that for us. Now.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (02:10):

Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here and having this conversation. So I have an operations support agency and am expanding into consulting in the coming year. And I got my start at 17 in my first management job and it just really ignited a passion within myself. I also happen to get pregnant with my first child at 18 and so that changed the course of my life dramatically, as I'm sure you can imagine. So I have two kiddos now and I have always worked well. I was a stay home mom when they were little, they're babies until my oldest daughter was three. And I went back to work and just quickly became addicted to the hustle. And so I was working so much through their elementary school years and coming into 2020 I wa circumstances were just perfect. I quit my job and I went full time in my business and it's been, the last year has been tremendous growth and I've been so grateful for the opportunities that have come my way and the people have gotten to work with and my kiddos have been a big support system and a big reason for that.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (03:22):

It was so great to have the opportunity to spend 2020 with them to talk about all the world events with them. And so as my wife and I are trying throughout this season to have a third child to do this together, it's a different journey cuz my first two kids were with my ex-husband and so that didn't involve a fertility process. I mean, yeah, at 18 I wasn't going through the fertility process. And so this is a new journey. And then navigating that as a business owner has been interesting also because trying to, you know, I'm a planner, so looking at the future and planning for like what my maternity leave will look like, what team members' responsibilities will look like, it's, it's, it's a journey for sure.

Tianna Tye (04:10):

Oh my goodness. Yes. And so we are definitely going to get into those two main questions that you just asked. I will be sure to ask you about them. But before we go there, I'm really curious with your wife and yourself, how you all decided, okay, now is the time to begin this journey. What, what, what was it like coming to that decision, you know, as a business owner in particular?

Anonymous Expecting CEO (04:34):

Yeah, so I am of the belief that you're never fully ready for kids. And I say that again from life experience and when I left my job, we'd been talking about having more kids for years. Like I've always wanted a big family. I would love to have five kids, honestly. Like if I could support it financially, emotionally, like I would love to have five children and she wants to have more kids also and like be present for the entire journey. And so that's always been on our list and we did try before back in, I believe it was 2017, but it just, with my work schedule and the stress I was under, it wasn't sticking. And I was just so stressed all the time thinking about, you know, I really wanna be there for the kids when they're young. I believe it. You know, for me it was very important to do that with my oldest kids and I wanna do that with these next kids.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (05:25):

And so realizing now that I, I am my own boss, I have a business, it just, it feels like the best time to have another baby because I have been able to develop an internal team in my own business. And, you know, my wife has a, a good job with great benefits, which is so important when you're a self-employed entrepreneur. And I'm in a place where I feel like I could handle having the resources to bring in like a nanny a couple days, a week, week so I can be, you know, take client calls. I could take some time off and really bond with my new baby and get to enjoy the pregnancy experience and not have it be just like a full on 60 hour work week hustle.

Tianna Tye (06:11):

Ooh. Yes ma'am. And I can, I can hear your planning orientation as you're sharing all of this. Like I hear the gears turning in your mind. I'd love to hear from you in particular. I feel like a lot of us planners cuz I, I identify, I'm definitely a planner and I definitely had a lot of thoughts, a lot of conversations with my team member and all of the above. Whenever I decided we were gonna start trying to conceive. But I'm curious, did you ever, or are you currently from a mindset perspective, like what has mindset looked like? Have there been limiting beliefs? Are you working through them? Like what has that piece of it looks like for you?

Anonymous Expecting CEO (06:54):

I'm really glad you asked that question and also afraid to answer it at the same time. I honestly, mindset has been something I hadn't expected to be a problem. And really showed, it really showed up for me. So when it was time and you know, I found the, a great doula to work with and a great midwife and now it's like really happening and it's not just a vision and a plan. The, that's when the mindset started kicking in. And I had some big project clients in the works and I was like, can I do this kind of stuff? Like can I be making these decisions and these moves and be this person I am as a business owner while still, you know, being pregnant and, and then having a baby. It was like, is is, am I gonna fail? Is everything gonna fall apart?

Anonymous Expecting CEO (07:41):

And I feel like that was my initial panic. I was coming in and just being like, What, what am I doing? Am am I making a bad decision? Am I gonna ruin my business? Like, what's gonna happen next? And we we actually did get pregnant earlier this year, but we lost the pregnancy and I'm incredibly glad that I am a business owner at that time because my, my assistant, my right hand knew. And so I was able to message her and be like, Hey, like I just, I'm not in a head space. I just can't, I just can't do anything. My clients were very understanding and it was very like I had had a client send me like dinner to my house and just having that support system made it easier to be able to look internally and deal with the loss versus I did have a, I have previously had a miscarriage before at a job and like, I mean, you have to put in PTO and it's, it's, it's like a thing and they, and they, there's a stigma to it that you're just supposed to bounce right back.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (08:44):

But I've been able to, to cope with that loss in my own way and come to terms with it and deal with it. And I'm in a, a way that I only think being, being a business owner is the only way that would enable me to be able to do that.

Tianna Tye (08:59):

Well first of all, thank you for the transparency and thank you for sharing that. We're also sorry to hear about the loss, but I think it's a beautiful thing that you just shared around actually building something that was able to support you through it in the way that you needed to get through it. That was really powerful.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (09:19):

Thank you. Yeah, I, it, I I say it cuz it gave me hope that with the next round and you know, that this baby will be able to stick and you know, will have the baby. But going through that let me know that I'm, I'm, I have people around me who can support me and if, you know, if it really did hit the fan, I know who I can lean on and I already know that they'll be here. For me, it was almost like a fire drill of mm-hmm. <Affirmative> my team and the systems in place. And so I feel like that really helped with those mindset issues. Obviously it was not, not all of the mindset. Some, now there's new ones that come up when you have a loss, but I, I feel like as far as a business owner, it helped me feel more sh like more secure in my decision to expand our family.

Tianna Tye (10:05):

Absolutely. I, I'm really curious because this has not been my journey in terms of, you know, going down the fertility treatment path and all of that. Do you find that there are nuances that you think are important to share to another expecting CEO who's taking a similar path as you?

Anonymous Expecting CEO (10:26):

Yeah, I I would say that, you know, if you're in the online business space you hear a lot about sinking your business to your cycle as a woman. And I think I have not done that to a grand scale, but as we've been going through fertility, you really have to become so in tune with your body and you know, you know, like, you know what days you're ovulating, you, you have to know all of these things cause you have to get it timed perfectly. And so I would say to give yourself grace and but to also plan for that a little bit to, to give yourself that cushion. So I know like I'll, I'll cuz I'm, you know, you're never, it's never gonna be like, Oh, I always ovulate on like the 20th day of my cycle or whatever. Like, there's always a little bit of variation.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (11:08):

So I try to build that into my schedule. And for me personally, I let my assistant know. Like she knows that we're trying. So if I have a day where it's time to do the insemination and it's kind of like, Oh wow, I peaked early or something is a little unexpected, then I'll just, I can just send her a slack and be like, Hey this is why we planned for this day to be kind of late on meetings. Can you let the rest of the team know I have to move this meeting to this, you know, and and she can handle it and help support me through that. But building that into my business plan and like my calendar was something that I learned the hard way. It's, it's a lot easier to give yourself those grace and to relax and, you know, cause you're not supposed to be stressed when you're trying to conceive. It's a lot easier to relax if you've planned, at least for me.

Tianna Tye (11:54):

Absolutely. And something that just stood out to me about what you said is I think the, the transparency and the trust between you and that team member to where you can, you know, be comfortable and be like, Hey, this is what's going on. Because at the end of the day, you know, thank goodness as entrepreneurs, as business owners, we've kind of blurred the line a little bit between, you know, work is work and you can't be a human at work. We're just like, no, that's dumb. Right? But at the same time, many of us still like hold these very rigid ideas of like, is this like, am I crossing a line? It's like, no. Especially when you are literally the owner of the business. This impacts the business. Like we do need to be able to let someone know. So I love the fact that you have someone on your team that can kind of be that liaison <laugh> in a way for you.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (12:44):

<Laugh> Yes. She's, she's amazing. And I think it's important that even if you don't have that to really be prepared to potentially be a little more vulnerable than you might have been in a corporate role. Because when you have your own business, you know, like I, I don't know, not all models work this way, but in a one to one retainer model, like you're, you're talking to your client in Slack, you're having meetings, you're on the phone like you're talking to them so often that you there the lines between business partner, consultant and you know, confidant and friends start to blur a little bit on both sides, especially in a longer term relationship. And it doesn't mean you have to give 'em all the gritty details, but I think letting people in can take away some of that taboo that comes with being a woman who's trying to get pregnant or who is pregnant and still running a

Tianna Tye (13:34):

Business. Absolutely. Now I didn't let my team member know quite that early. However, surpri I think it was a little bit surprising to myself cuz just to be honest, I had never really thought about when I was gonna, you know, let people in the business space know other than I'm not gonna announce until this point like publicly, publicly. But I will say my team member who's like my right hand woman, she was one of the first people to know after my immediate family. And that's just kind of the way that it worked out for us. And that's what we needed to do. Because I will tell you, for my first trimester, your girl was a little bit knocked. Okay. I was kind of in my, and I needed her to understand why. I was like, okay, so this is what's going on <laugh>.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (14:22):

Exactly, exactly.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (14:25):

It's, and the fir the first trimester, like if you're, if you already have a business and you're in that stage you're trying to conceive, just know, just plan for the first trimester to knock you on your. And then if it doesn't, great, because for me, I had Hyper Mes with both of my pr previous pregnancies. I lost 15 pounds with my first daughter and 20 with my second kid. And so it was like a lot, it was sick a lot. And, and building, preparing for that is, is definitely something I always recommend to any expecting woman. Whether you have a business or not.

Tianna Tye (15:00):

<Laugh> is is hyper MEUs when you're like the violently Ill can't keep anything down that piece of it. Yes. Okay. Who I'm glad you made it through, mama. I'm glad you made it through.

Tianna Tye (15:15):

Today's expecting CEO affirmation says, I see things differently and I am willing to trust the small voice guiding me. Now's the time to listen to that gut and that intuition, my friend, you can get your hands on your own deck or gift it to the expecting CEO in your life by visiting www.theexpectingceo.com/affirmations. And fun bonus we're giving the podcast family 10% off. Just use the code e c o show and you can snag yours for 10% off today.

Tianna Tye (15:53):

Well so I do wanna get into a little bit more of the, not technical, but just get a little bit of your thinking around what this season of planning has been looking like for you as you start to navigate this, you know, actively trying to conceive period. So have you, you've, I think you alluded earlier that you've already started thinking through like maternity leave, what it's gonna look like with the team. Kind of let us in behind the scenes on that.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (16:21):

Yeah, so this has been a good motivator for me to make sure my own internal processes are documented and that all of my expectations are clearly laid out. And to start looking at my team and evaluating who could potentially step up and fill a leadership role for me to be able to really hit pause on my availability. And so planning the, that, I guess that's the benefit of not, of having to go through fertility and trying to conceive with effort versus a surprise pregnancy is I have that space to really look at everything holistically and look at the team and look at my clients. And so whenever I'm reviewing opportunities that are coming our way, if it's an opportunity that's gonna be exclusively a commitment for me, I'm making sure that I'm evaluating the fact that I could, you know, hopefully get pregnant any day now. And with that going like using that lens to make these decisions and keeping in mind that my ultimate goal and my ultimate vision and my, my favorite role is mother. And so that, that comes first for me.

Tianna Tye (17:28):

I love that. I think that it can be, and I'll speak just for myself from personal experience. I, I love one that you specified and you prioritized that your role as mother comes first for you and that is the way you look at things and whatnot. And I will say as a, you know, I've never been a mother before, right? And so this idea of sometimes I've literally needed to deny an opportunity and pass on opportunities like recently that are actually in alignment with my business and with what I want, but they're not in alignment with where my life is right now. And so that's been kind of an odd experience. Have you, you know, been navigating some of that as you've been looking through that lens?

Anonymous Expecting CEO (18:16):

Not just yet here, but in the corporate world? I did mm-hmm. <Affirmative> to navigate that of making decisions about opportunities. And I will say on the other side is that the, even when they're aligned and it seems like everything you want, when you prioritize your family, you never lose. And the universe brings that opportunity back to you and potentially a different shape. I I think you've, you know, you setting those priorities even before you've held your baby is incredible. And being able to, to already say no to things and, and it's a, i I agree, it's a, it's a mindset, it's a struggle to be able to say no and to walk away from something, especially when it's aligned and you want it. But in the end you'll be glad you did. You, you'll enjoy that time with your new baby and get to have that bonding experience cuz it's just nothing like that feeling.

Tianna Tye (19:08):

Oh yeah. If you need to rewind that and listen to it again and just get that affirmation from her, please do so because I will be listening to that piece again. I, I love the fact that you said the opportunity may just reshape and come back to you in a different way because you can never lose. Love it. Oh my goodness. Okay. So that was a bit of, a bit of the positive, a bit of the light I'd like to hear from you just a little bit of the real deal, you know what I mean? Like I've, I don't know, as I've been talking to various women and just getting their perspectives on this journey and everything like that, it's been really great because some people are just very rainbows and central and my pregnancy was amazing, da da da da and then some people are like, Dude, I threw up for four months straight and then my hair fell out postpartum and then this happened. So I find that getting kind of both sides of the coin has been very, very helpful. At the very least we are honest on this show. So I'd like to hear from you just like most challenging part of the journey thus far.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (20:17):

Yeah, honestly the most challenging part has been navigating a healthcare system that is not built to serve women's needs. It's helped surface for me, just like an, a rage, an anchor I didn't even know I had. And it's just ridiculous that as you know, I'm as a woman, like I don't have a fertility problem, but when I tried to go through a fertility, like they want to run all these tests cuz they don't wanna mess up their numbers, but all those tests run up your bill and it's like, well I'm fine. I'm healthy, this is what I need done and they don't wanna do it. And so like, it's helped, it's forced me to look into alternative methods like doulas and midwives who are willing, like, agree with being B C Q and are supportive and also are willing to look at medicine and health in a different lens. And it's just, it's just so ridiculous trying to navigate conceiving a child or even just navigating your own health as a woman. It's just, it's ridiculous. It makes me so angry and I know that's like semi on-topic and sewing off topic, but for like, trying to get Steve Journey, that has just been the number one thorn in my side.

Tianna Tye (21:31):

No, Abso I think it's spot on topic, you know what I mean? At the end of the day, I think that these conversations that we're having is just showing that everything that happens to us in our personal lives does impact us in every other dimension of our lives because we're just human beings and we've got a lot of stuff going on. That actually reminded me, I did have a little bit of curiosity earlier when you mentioned that you already had the doula. So that was a piece of this was helping you navigate this system?

Anonymous Expecting CEO (22:01):

Yes, so I, it's ironically through my business I did some tech support for a doula who lives in another state. Oh. And we just hit it off. She's incredible. And so she connected me with a local doula who has helped me through the fertility journey, helped me kind of like relax, talk about, give me space to talk about some of my PTSD for medical experiences with previous pregnancies mm-hmm. <Affirmative> and, and really prepare my body and my mind to become pregnant again. And then once I'm pregnant, she'll be my support person and then after birth be my support person. So she'll have been with me through the entire journey and I really like that relationship.

Tianna Tye (22:44):

Wow. That, I mean that's a powerful, powerful ally to kind of have next to you throughout all of this.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (22:52):

Yeah, I, I really think as a woman, if you're listening, you're pregnant, you're trying to get pregnant, whether it's a doula, a best friend, whoever it is, have an advocate whose whole job in throughout the process and in the delivery room is to advocate for you. Of course the baby's important, but I can say as someone who's gone through the birth, like they take the baby away, they go, they're cleaning the baby up or they're cleaning the baby up in the room and you know, you're, you're still there, you're still going through the birth, you're still having these, but you're not in a place where it's like your mind's kind of foggy cause you got all the hormones and everything's going on. And so having an advocate there who's advocating for you and what you want and who knows that is so, so impactful and so worth it.

Tianna Tye (23:38):

Yes, yes. Absolutely. as we start to kind of wind down and transition, I wanted to get just a little bit more clarity actually around not necessarily some of the planning and thinking that's going into your maternity leave and what you would want that to look like. But really I think I wanna hear from you cause I just like hearing the way your mind works. I'd love to hear from you best case scenario, what your hope is for yourself, for your family as you continue to navigate this entire journey and enter into, you know, the blissful postpartum phase. I call it blissful, ironically <laugh>

Anonymous Expecting CEO (24:18):

<Laugh>. Yes. So I know again that someone, this is based on experience. I know I need that six weeks, like six weeks isn't enough, but I know that like mentally, physically I need six weeks before I have to be on mentally for another person. And I, my plan is to build in at least that first six weeks of, I might check in with a, my team member via Slack cuz my business is my baby and on a lot of levels. And so I, I could not, I cannot, when I've thought about this question, I could not fathom a scenario where I just completely checked out for any length of time. But I do want six weeks where I'm not meeting with team members. I'm not on calls, I'm not in client work. You know, we have our plan and you know, I'm, I reach out, I check in if there's a crazy, something crazy happening or something amazing happening, they're letting me know, but it's not an expectation of me to be present.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (25:16):

And then at the two month mark, I wanna start easing back into team teamwork and, and working in more internally. And after the two month mark evaluating again where I'm to see if I'm ready to start going back, like what level of force I wanna go back into working face to face with clients. So I'm, I'm planning on for the one to one side, not having a client for that first like three months or first quarter after the baby's born just because I ha I, I dealt with postpartum depression with my pregnancies and I had all the health issues and so I wanna be able to have that time to heal as like a human being and bond with my new family dynamic before coming back into being the badass, you know, leader in someone else's business.

Tianna Tye (26:04):

Right, right. Yes. Amen to that. Look, I'm already a little bit of a hermit, so I'm like, y'all, I'm a need this time and y'all will have to leave me alone <laugh>.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (26:15):

Exactly.

Tianna Tye (26:18):

Oh man. Okay. So I always ask two questions towards the end just to kind of wrap us up. Hopefully leave us feeling a little lifted up, a little lifted in our spirits. So the first question I'd love to hear from you on is what are you most grateful for in this season? Like, this is a very nuanced season of trying to conceive of having a couple of kiddos, having the family, having the business, but I'd love to hear just what you are most grateful for and right grateful for right now.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (26:49):

Cool. What comes up for me immediately is I am grateful for the space to create, whether, you know, that's creating in the business, creating a new family member, just even the fact that I get to have this conversation about what I want my maternity leave to look like and I get to design it like just so grateful for what my life is looking like right now and how I have that space to create.

Tianna Tye (27:16):

Oh, she said, whether, whether we're, whether we're creating a new offer, a new business, you know, a new human being. No big deal. <Laugh>. I love it. Okay. And as always, we love to end the show with this particular question because there is someone who has listened from start to finish. There are many someones who have listened from start to finish and they see themselves in this journey. They see, they see something that they aspire to or something that they've experienced personally. Whichever. And I'd love for you to just share one word, one piece of encouragement or an affirmation, whatever comes up for you for that expecting ceo.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (28:00):

Yeah. I'm gonna borrow some words from Glen and Doyle and say we can do hard things.

Tianna Tye (28:08):

And there we go. The mic drop moment, ladies and gents. We can do hard look cause this ain't easy. I was telling my husband the other day, I was like, Sir, just because I make it look nice does not make this easy. Let's be clear. <Laugh> facts, don't underestimate the growing of a human being. Okay. Thank you very much. Oh, well thank you so much for joining us.

Tianna Tye (28:47):

Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Anonymous Expecting CEO (28:50):

Thanks!